Friday, August 14, 2009

Amelia's Birthday

For weeks now Lou and I were planning a balloon send off on Amelia's 4Th birthday. I knew the day was coming up and each day i grew closer, my heart would ache more. I tried to keep myself busy and focused so that way i really don't have time to think about things but when i am alone at night while everyone is asleep in the house, i think think think and then i break down. I'm not sure why i was picked to go through this type of pain, nobody should go through this. Is this Gods way of telling me I'm strong? Well I'm not! So we planned to have all family and friends join us on her birthday at the field across the street from our house, which we no longer live there because we just moved. I was amazed at the outcome. The send off started at 6:00, over 75 people showed up. People who have never met her, some who met her once, and others who have been there from day one. I was overwhelmed by the amount of support and love that our friends and family have shown. We bought two helium tanks and blew up balloons and i ordered 15 others, happy birthday balloons, princess, cars, pink hearts and so on. I handed out markers for people to write something if they chose on their balloons. All through out the day i received letters from all over the United States. PA, NJ, MA, OR, CO, TX, NC, NY, OH, CA, MO, VA, MD, DE and Canada. Around 6 pm everyone headed towards the center of the open field, everyone stood around in a circle and me, Lou, and Lillian stood in the middle. Balloons in hand i thanked everyone for coming and showing us support and love and i said on the count of 5 we will let them go. Then we counted and let them go. Everyone clapped and wished Amelia a Happy Birthday. I wanted to break down so bad, i wanted to just fall to my knees and lose control of myself, this is my baby, my flesh my blood and i have to celebrate her birthday by letting a fucking balloon go. Oh the Anger, the hurt. I did good though, i kept my cool. I told everyone that there will be food and cake afterwards at Lou's parents house and i thanked everyone for coming. Once i got into the car, i lost it, i had a big cry and it was needed. I was so proud of everyone coming and to watch those balloons go up to Amelia and knowing that all of these people care and miss her makes me feel comforted. The cake we got was beautiful. It said, Although your not here, we miss you so dear. Thinking of you on your special day, Although your not here for us to say, Happy 4Th Birthday Amelia Rose. It had purple roses, her favorite color, and it had butterflies which was a favorite of hers. I made alot of food and i know she was looking down and really enjoyed her family thinking of her. I will never forget!

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