Thanksgiving

So today was thanksgiving. I cooked. I needed to keep myself busy in order to deal with my emotions. I woke up pretty happy I was going to cook an amazing meal and then i am going to go and see my family. Who wouldn't be stoked for something like that. So woke up and started cutting up my veggies and fresh herbs for my turkey. Last night i put my turkey into a brine to make it moist. I stuffed my big fat ass turkey and loaded it with a nice rub of butter and rosemary and thyme. (if you haven't noticed, cooking is a passion of mine and it seems to get me in a good mood- that's why i cook to get my mind off of things). once the turkey was in the oven i started to get my desserts ready to cook in the oven. Well i took my turkey out to baste it and boom it feel on the floor. i was so upset and that was the start of a bad moment for me. I ran down to my room and got dressed, i was going to the store to get some sort of turkey, well i walked out of the house and stomped my feet and then i got into my car and broke down. I lost it, not because of the turkey i was upset, it was the stress of not having my baby, not being able to give her a kiss on a holiday. Instead i kissed her cold urn. that's not the same. Once i gathered my thoughts i went back into the house, washed the turkey off and re stuffed and seasoned and put that bitch back into the oven. Phew! i feel better. anyway, I decided i wasn't going to go to my moms for T day dinner because i was pooped and i wasn't even done cooking, not only that but i knew that she would start to cry and get all emotional and i cant really handle that right now. I cooked for me Lou, Lilly, Lou's mom and dad and his pappy. we ate in the living room at a big table. I know the living room? reason being, we could eat with Amelia since her shelf is there with her urn. It was nice, we did take a family picture next to her shelf afterwards. Although sometimes i don't know the direction my life, family or friendships are going, i always have a picture to have a memory. Lou got Lilly ready for bed and her and i spent sometime together on the floor. I was getting prepared for black Friday. Happy Thanksgiving!!