Monday, February 8, 2010
It won't stop going.
So my mind has been going non stop over Amelia passing. I cant stop thinking about her but not in a good way. I keep thinking of the moment we found her. It replays in my mind like a record player that has a scratch. Over and over again. I wish there was a medicine that erases parts of your life you don't want there. Not like a xanx where it just makes you numb to certain things i want a pill that will erase Amelia's passing. I want all the memories but, not the memory of the moment we found her, her funeral and the weeks after. To get through the hard times or the hard moments I tell myself that she is on vacation with her dad in Virginia for a VERY long time. This gets me through, well at least for the time being. This works for me on Saturdays and some Sundays because she was with her dad on these days so it is easier for me to get through those thoughts. Now on other days, its a little harder. I think about on Tuesday and Thursdays as well when she was with her dad.