Monday, February 15, 2010
Keeping myself busy again......a purpose
So Valentines day came and went and i thought about how hard times were the past few days. I have been having it rough, really rough. There were a few days i didn't even want to get out of bed but i did, because of Lilly. I cant punish her because Amelia is not here. Its not her fault and if i am not strong for her, she is going to eventually resent me. so once again to keep myself busy because April is only 45 days or so away, i made a ton of chocolate covered pretzels, and i made candies and cookies and so on. I used a lot of valentines day sprinkles which were pink and purple and reds and whites. Colors which i love and Amelia loved so in a way i still had her with me in that moment of not wanting to think about that stuff. Everyone loved the pretzels and stuff and it really made me want to open up my own candy shop. For a short moment i had a feeling of self worth. I don't know about the rest of you out there. The ones who have lost a child, a piece of you dies with them just like a family member. When you lose someone you lose a piece of you but for those who have lost a child, you lose self worth. Well at least i did. What do i have to live for. I know i have to live for Lillian but what else? Baking and people enjoying my stuff made me feel like i had a purpose.