Thursday, September 17, 2009
Im a bitter bitch!
I'm starting to get a bit pissed off these days. My therapist told me that this is part of the whole mourning stages. First is denial, Then acceptance, then anger, then pain and all that bullshit. I'm bitter, I'm bitter to everyone and i don't care. I never was a heartless person but i am now. Alot of other things are factors as well but if i am crying over my child passing away, please don't come up to me and tell me about your child's success stories. There is a time and place for everything and that is not the time for it. I have alot of jealousy as well, and I'm told this is also normal. Well how can i not be jealous, all around me are little girls, Amelia's age and their dancing, and laughing and stuff and my baby's not. Even when I'm at the grocery store and i see a three year old girl or a four year old girl and i get angry. Why? Why me? Why my family? I understand Amelia was sick, sicker then anyone knew. I blame the doctors, its their fault that my baby is not here today. I asked the neurologist on April 3, down at St. Christopher's hospital in Philadelphia if its possible she could die from a seizure, he said its impossible and the only way would be if she banged her head, or choked on something. Nothing of the sort happened, Airways were clear, no damage to the body, head trauma, nothing. She had such a severe seizure that her little body couldn't handle it and all of her systems shut down. i miss her, I'm angry at the world and i want her back