Friday, September 18, 2009

A pill to take it all away

Everyday that passes i pray that the next day will get better that was until recently. My step fathers step mother Kat, also known as Gigi told me that when ask God for strength that he puts another bump in the road. So now i don't ask God for strength although when i am saying my prayers i do think of asking him more then once. Recently, Amelia's passing has taken a toll on my marriage. It is not easy, I often find myself feeling alone, although I'm not. I don't understand that Lou is going through the same thing I am, I guess i think because he is a guy, that he has no feelings and therefor he doesn't understand, but he does. I feel alone alot and i know I'm not. I try to redirect my hurt feelings and anger into something like baking or painting. The first two weeks after Amelia passed away, i redecorated my house. I got new decorations, and added pictures, mostly her art work from school or at home projects and i framed them. I gave one to Emeril Lagasse. He was honored to have something she drew while he was on tv. Today in the shower which this is the time when i usually think, the shower or while I'm driving, well anytime I'm alone and i can think. I was thinking of Amelia and her last moments with me. I have it replaying in my mind constantly. I HATE IT! I think I'm going to invent a pill that erases post traumatic stress,

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