Thursday, September 10, 2009
There has been so much stress in my life, i have no idea where to turn. I know i have family and friends who I'm able to talk to but when i want to talk it seems like i cant, or its too uncomfortable or they wont understand. I know there are other moms out there that have lost children and can relate to my pain and sorrow but i often think, can they. Did they find their child dead in her bed, did they find their child blue and did they try to do CPR on their child like i did and not succeed? I feel like a failure. So i decided I'm going to go to college and become a pediatric nurse. I couldn't save my baby's life but maybe i can save another child's life. I sent in my application today so I'm hoping that i will hear something back. Alot of people in my life think that becoming a nurse is not a good idea or tell me that i cant stomach blood or gross things but i say, after what i went through, i can handle anything. Although the thought of a limb hanging off of someones body does gross me out, but i would still take care of that child and do my best to keep him/her in good health. A part of me wants to just do it to throw it in their faces that I'm not dumb and i can do something like this. Maybe this is what i need, a change in my life, a positive change!