May 23, 2009 Emerils Chop House for Dinner

Its been a while where I have been excited to do something so going out to dinner at Emeril Lagassees Chop House that just opened up in our area is going to be a nice change. I'm excited to get dressed up and do my hair. I feel important. Lately anything to boost my self confidence would be nice. I put on a really pretty black and white polka dot dress that had lime green accents. It was adorable and i got a ton of compliments on it. I wore these really high shoes and i felt nice. had my flower in my hair like usual. Although i felt great outside and i felt pretty and important, I didn't want to go. I felt like i shouldn't celebrate, i shouldn't go out and do something. I had so much guilt inside that i seriously considered not going. i did go and I'm glad i did. The food was excellent, we got to see Emeril again and shake his hand, put some money in the slots and just enjoy ourselves. I was ok when we were gone, its when I got home that night. This was wrong, I said to Lou. How can i go out and celebrate and she is not here. My baby is gone and im out and about like nothing ever happened. I feel like a careless monster. He said I cant mope around and not do anything. I have to stop blaming myself for her death. its not healthy for me. You know he is right, When we lose someone dear to us, a child, a parent, a friend. Someone whom we share so much love with, well we blame ourselves and we hold on. Its not good to do that, i know I'm trying to give advice as to not hold on, personally, i have to. That is my baby, i will fever hold on but i will move on too. That's where people get stuck, they d0n't want to move on, which there is nothing wrong with that. Eventually one day you will have to let go, and I'm scared for that day.