Sunday, December 13, 2009

A set back

Well i had a set back today, i was doing good. I wasn't thinking about Christmas coming up because i am keeping myself busy with the quilts but then we were supposed to get snow so i decided today to go to our storage bin and get the Christmas stuff, our tree, decorations and so on. Downstairs where our room is at Lou's parents there is also a living room area and a room where there is a bar so i decided to put up our Christmas tree so that way we can have our own Christmas. So i went to storage and i came across some of Amelia's belongings and then i saw it. It killed me! It was her book bag for school. I touched it and i immediately was flooded with memories and emotions. Memories of her going to school, how happy she was at school. I remembered waking up in the morning and getting her ready for school. She loved school. On our way to school she would ask me to turn the radio up and she would sing the songs Taylor Swift, or Miley Cirus or Beyonce. Those were just a few of her favorites but she knew every song. I would pull up to school in my Jeep Cherokee and i would hand her lip gloss and she put it on. I would get her out and as soon as we would hit the front door i was not the important one to her anymore, she was at school. haha She would drop her book bag and run over to where the kids were, she wouldn't even hang it up. I walked over to her and would always ask for a kiss. She would then kiss me and say she loved me and i would leave. Whenever i got into the car i would sit for a sec and i would feel lost. My baby girl is growing up. Shes in school. I then would go home and at times i was clueless. I was angry as well, her book bag really didn't get much attention, she wasn't in school for very long but i do have to be grateful she got to experience it. I grabbed her book bag and i hugged it so tight, tighter then i have hugged anything in a long time. I just want my baby back. i want to hold her, i want to sing to her and dance with her. I want to hear her laugh and see that smile. I want to watch her move her hair out of her face like she did often and i want to see her. When your baby passes a piece of you do as well and i want that back. I want the full me back but the only way i will get it back is if she comes back.

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