Friday, May 15, 2009

Day 25, and lost in time

Ok so it has been a couple weeks since Amelias passing and i thought i was doing ok. Some of the memories from when Lou and I found her were starting to fade but still there. I knew what she looked like and so forth but the details were faded, and I didnt mind that of course. Who would, who really wants to remember all the horrific details. Well yesterday Lou rented this movie Taken. Which I didnt start watching with him until my sister had to use the bathroom. She stopped over on her lunch break. I really got into the movie and so did she. ha ha. Then she had to leave to go back and it was just Lou and I. The movie was really really good, great action until the main character walked into a room where a girl was D. UGH, the picture of that girls face immediately brought back every little tiny detail, Like when i was giving Amelia CPR and i blew in her mouth and foamy blood came out of her nose which i then wiped off with my sleeve of my sweatshirt and kept going. I had to move fast, but no matter what it was too late. Anyway, I lost it. I told lou to please turn off the tv and i cried for hours. I told Lou i am sticking to Food Network, Extreme home makeover, kids shows and funny ones. NOthing that is going to bring back those horrific memories. He kept apologising but it wasnt his fault. That night, this was on Tuesday today is Thursday. Then Tuesday night, and Wednesday night i was a complete wreck. We went to my moms house where my aunt is staying to watch my moms dogs while my mom is on vacation. We bought pizza and hung there just so we didnt have to go home. Then when we were headed home i made up an excuse to go get a news paper so that way we could kill time. Lou hates coming home. It is too much here. We decided we need to move. I cant look in her room without being sick to my stomach. The night she passed after we got home from the hospital around 7 ish. My sister Gretchen was here, and Lou, I went back in her room, made her bed cleaned it like it used to be and the thing that blew me away was, even though there was tons of comotion going on in her room with all the paramedics and police officers, her hoola hoop and shoes stayed exacly in the same exzact spot. I remember her picking up the hoola hoop and saying watch me mom, and she tried to do it but the space was too small. I said its too small in here to do that baby, and her famous line was I know that. ha ha ha.. she had additude too. Her hoola hoop laid on the floor next to her dresser and her shoes were put perfectly side by side inside the hoola hoop. It is going to be rough changing houses but i belive it is the only way louie and i can get through this.

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