trying to keep myself occupied

There are so many things i want to do and now to keep my mind off of things i am doing them. Writing a blog does help, but it just gets the stuff out. I go see a therapist which i did before Amelia passed, I struggled with Post Pardom depression really bad after i had Lillian so i have been seeing a therapist over a year. There are a few things i want to do, one of them is start a foundation, Lou and i both want to make a difference so he and I are looking into starting one up. This would be in the honor of our daughter Amelia, and it would be for families that cant pay for a funeral. I know we didnt have life insurance on Amelia or Lillian. I never thought about it and if it wasnt for people and their generousity, family and friends we would be in the hole. Thank you so very much to those out there that have donated. I know there is some out there but i dont think there is enough of them. Maybe we can start one in the name of Amelia and it could be for anyone who passes away. Maybe give them a credit of 3000 towards the amount due if they qualify. Obviously were not going to give to someone who is famous or has a ton of money but maybe other mothers who loose their children. Its so unexspected, it really is. You dont plan for your children to pass, i know i didnt. I am now petrified to go in and check on lillian because im afraid of how she may pass too, but i told my mom i know God did not put me on this Earth to bury both of my girls. We also talked about starting up a little diner, drive in or Dive restaurant. That was one of our dreams when we got together. I always wanted one when i was a kid and so did he, i found it amusing that we share the same dream. We talked about naming it after amelia but something with a twist. When she was alive we talked about it too and she always said she wanted one like Geekers, that is the local Drive in by us. That was her favorite place to eat. When they heard the horrible news they were devistated. The owners cried, they knew Amelia because every sunday we would go in for dinner and ice cream, or sometimes just milk shakes. Recently they put up a story of how they lost their favorite customer and they also put out a donation box. I couldnt belive it, how nice was that. Thank you to all those people out there that have donated money to our family and to the funeral services. Thank you and may God bless you and your family.